i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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