Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
