I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
