plz talk dirty to me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
