How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I enjoy the company of your penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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