Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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