...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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