i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize