found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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