I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
