to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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