he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
