at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
