Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
