Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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