I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
