It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
