Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's JV to your varsity
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
