I think I died a long time ago.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
