ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
