I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
