You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
