I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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