I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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