He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
