Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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