Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize