im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's never too late to be topless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize