All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
