It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
