walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
