Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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