"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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