Yo dont text me then not text me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's great music for shaving your balls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
