So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize