i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
