My girlfriend figured out who you are.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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