I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
