Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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