Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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