I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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