And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
