And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize