I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
