so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
