filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
