Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Small penises have feelings too.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
