I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
