can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
