Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
