Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still dying that you shit outside
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
