if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
