Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
