We're like a lot better than the average bears
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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