Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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