hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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