You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
