Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
