And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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