So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize