I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
