I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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