I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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