I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
