I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize