How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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