Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
