Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
