Moan for me like Helen Keller
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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