Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
