I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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