based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
