I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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