You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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