Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
