He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
