i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wear drunk well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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