Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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