Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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