meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
