I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize