mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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