R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
