I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
