So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He shit in the fireplace
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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