I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
