2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
