yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mom said you looked used
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
