Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize