just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
