i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
