Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
