dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
