If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
