Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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