I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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