the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
