you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
