i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
