i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
