i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize