can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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