I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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