Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
