Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
