the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
