I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
