even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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