Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
