So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
