Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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